Equality: the lost leader

To riff off Ashes' post here...

I have also studied through the most important years with women teachers who were very keen to the simple truth that "Art remains always, at some very basic levels, a feminist project." The workshops i attended were filled with mostly women and several men (and even fewer that were "straight"). In my experience it seems a longer journey for the men to begin to tap into the deeper aspects of ourselves, having to wade through years of training in the other direction... that men deserve the most attention, that men fill the history books for a reason, that men have more to say. (The silly reality is that men usually just say it louder with less concern for anyone who might disagree. Example: those brash young jackasses in your MFA that felt they shit masterpieces and took up the most time in your critique.)

But there is more to it. For years in these workshops i would watch these women tap into a deeper feminine, one that - once located- would make them shine, radiant and energized, creating some of the best work i have ever seen (honest, brave and vulnerable while never sacrificing great sensitivity). Meanwhile i struggled for a long time as i watched some of the other men do, trying to locate that same place and failing... usually resulting in even more frustration.

I eventually had my "breakthrough moment" which doesn't necessitate details here except to say, simply, that it was reliant on my own acceptance of how the male figures in my life had also played a part (in really fucking me up... i kid, kind of). That the father wasn't perfect. This sounds almost silly, but i had no idea how much i was refusing to see this. And now i realize more and more that men are more likely to blame the women in their life than the men, mom than dad. (Psych 101 i'm sure, but hang with me for a sec...)

The question is why we do this? My own answer is that with women we can still distance the issue from ourselves. That distancing being a means of avoiding any accountability which might destroy our status as "victim". For example, as Antje Krog discusses in Country of My Skull, it is easier to say Hitler was a monster. By making him not human, but a monster, we don't have to accept that we are all capable of such evil. A further example of this is 9-11. The moments after 9-11 there was a great outpouring of grief and unity. As the world expressed sympathies, we all saw that we could be those people in those towers, or in that city, or in this country and even on this planet. And for a moment we were fully compassionate. The moment ended when we could not see ourselves as the terrorists.

So in my "revelation" i that i saw that i am a white male. (Crashing sounds.) Just like all those other white males in history i always read about. Just like my dad. Just like *gasp* George W. Bush. Now, one might say, "but you are nothing like him." I don't have to be. My skin color and my penis give me an all access pass the likes that many will never understand (even if they think they might). I have worked in the corporate world around bigtime CEOs with fat-ass wallets, and i will let you know that as bad as you think the club is, it is way worse than that. But that's another topic.

Where i was going with this is to say that for me art has been a feminine process to uncover a deeper masculinity, one that goes beyond machismo and even being a male. One that is honest and vulnerable and compassionate. Softer and more subtle... A long road. A long, profound and beautiful road. And i credit the mastery of my women teachers for putting up with me, and helping me to get there (with incredible notions like, "if you want to be a softer person, learn to paint softly... and vice versa"). Teaching men to find this place (as they often remind me) is incredibly difficult especially when on some level men are still not fully respecting what a woman has to say (i really thought i did!).

I also credit men that have worked hard to find this place... It may be easier to be a white male on many surface levels, but once the truth about the emperor has been revealed... the work really begins. Another reason i may not have wanted to see it in the first place. (Take note: the main reason your dickhead uncle is still a republican is because to accept any other truth means he has to give up his Golden Penis membership card that hands him every opportunity on a silver platter.)

Now, to tie this back to Ashes' gorgeous post: The quote that is gaining popularity now (that i heard Nelson Mandela say before anyone else so i will give him the credit) "in order for the oppressed to become free, the oppressor must also be liberated"... Well the second part to that is "or we all just change places". A big game of musical chairs (think Germany>Israel>Palestine). I realized when i finally saw what it is to be a white american male, that equality should not be the goal, but an entire paradigm shift toward compassionate living.

Anyone oppressed must be mindful of when equality with the oppressor becomes the cheese. Even as artists. I read a lot of disgruntled attitudes towards the "art scene" (especially in NY) here in Bloggopia. You wanna take over the galleries and be on the magazine covers? We must be mindful why, folks... Is it to sit on the top? To reverse the situation? So that someone might resent you next? The galleries aren't monsters. Mathew Barney (even with the friggin horns) is not a monster. And even George W. Bush is not a monster. It's all us... How simple and stupid (like most earth shattering revelations ex post facto). And as soon as we get that simple, stupid revelation: we might get to something deeper.